I wrote this in response to our culture’s current definition and model of masculinity, one that I believe needs to be redefined. My hope in sharing these thoughts, is to create a new definition and model that is rooted in love.


Our model of masculinity fails both men and women. 

We practice a primitive style of masculinity in our culture. Men are rarely able to see a fine masculine model. Thus, loving men are not trained.


Why should men love? 

It is healthy.

It is universally longed for.

It is the means to health, comfort, happiness, closeness and joy.


Stuck in the old model of spirituality  which was learned from grown men when we were boys, this culture prevents male “maturation” by demonstrating a coarse model of masculinity characterized by:

  • Desire for physical strength
  • Fighting
  • Causing pain
  • Use of weapons
  • Dominance (terrorism, authoritarianism)
  • Alcohol
  • Rape
  • Homophobia
  • Associating mainly with men who have same beliefs


Confusion occurs when no healthy models are seen.

Boys need healthy, loving, male models.


Can men have the pleasure, ease, and joy of more refined traits, such as softness, sweetness, kindness and gentleness? These traits lead to a higher state of functioning, characterized by:

  • Stability
  • Protectiveness
  • Strength
  • Assertiveness
  • Clarity
  • Objectivity
  • Reasonability
  • Leadership


The old, failed model of masculinity is disempowering and is associated with competition and causes pain.

The old model leads to:

  • Shame
  • Physical punishment
  • Incarceration
  • Joylessness
  • Injuries
  • Wars
  • Addictions


“Refining” one’s behavior is the way to a better life. To become finer, is to access our human potential.


We teach our boys to be loveless. It is time to stop.